Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The Anatomy of Humor: Still More Third-Grader Jokes
HUMOR
Few humor categories have aroused as much reader interest as third-grader jokes. We agree that they make excellent light reading. In response to continuing popular demand, we literally scraped the bottom of the barrel and exhausted our supply. Can you top these?
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What did the numeral 0 say to the numeral 8?
Nice belt!
How does the Man in the Moon get his hair cut?
Eclipse it.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
Did you hear about the corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines, aren't they?
Where did the king keep his little armies?
Up his little sleevies.
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
He wanted to make up for a lousy summer.
Why was the baby ant so confused?
Because all his uncles were aunts.
Why did the Indian have a hard time getting into the hotel?
He didn't have a reservation.
Why did the banker breakup with his girlfriend?
He lost interest.
***
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Why is an elephant big, gray and wrinkled?
Because if he was small, white, and round he'd be an aspirin tablet
What should you do if you're eaten by an elephant?
Run around and around till you're all pooped out.
Why shouldn't you have two elephants in your swimming pool at the same time?
Because they'd only have one pair of trunks.
What's large, gray and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
What did Mrs. Bullet say to Mr. Bullet?
We're going to have a beebee.
How did Dracula come to America?
He sailed in a blood vessel.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
How can you tell a boy tuna from a girl tuna?
Watch to see which "can" they use.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
***
Why did the man with only one hand cross the road?
To get to the secondhand store.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
Because they all have telephones.
Why were ink spots crying?
Because their father was in the pen.
My computer has a virus called the PBS virus.
Every hour it freezes up and asks for money.
Hear about the robbery at the public broadcasting station?
The thieves got away with $50,000 in pledges.
Lady, this vacuum cleaner will cut your work in half.
Good. I'll take two of them.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
What kind of bees give milk?
Boobies.
I saw Ronald McDonald naked.
He has sesame seed buns.
***
There were two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
Two caterpillars are sitting on a branch when a butterfly flies by.
One caterpillar says to the other, "You'll never get me up in one of those."
Why did the atom cross the road.
It was time to split.
Why is a moon rock tastier than an earth rock?
Because its a little meteor.
If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of the three?
The baby, because he's a little Bigger.
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
No, how'd you know?
Easy, it's all over town.
A snail got mugged and robbed by two turtles. He went to the police.
The desk sergeant asked him, "Did you get a good look at the turtles that did this?"
The snail replied, "No, it all happened so fast."
Few humor categories have aroused as much reader interest as third-grader jokes. We agree that they make excellent light reading. In response to continuing popular demand, we literally scraped the bottom of the barrel and exhausted our supply. Can you top these?
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What did the numeral 0 say to the numeral 8?
Nice belt!
How does the Man in the Moon get his hair cut?
Eclipse it.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
Did you hear about the corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines, aren't they?
Where did the king keep his little armies?
Up his little sleevies.
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
He wanted to make up for a lousy summer.
Why was the baby ant so confused?
Because all his uncles were aunts.
Why did the Indian have a hard time getting into the hotel?
He didn't have a reservation.
Why did the banker breakup with his girlfriend?
He lost interest.
***
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Why is an elephant big, gray and wrinkled?
Because if he was small, white, and round he'd be an aspirin tablet
What should you do if you're eaten by an elephant?
Run around and around till you're all pooped out.
Why shouldn't you have two elephants in your swimming pool at the same time?
Because they'd only have one pair of trunks.
What's large, gray and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
What did Mrs. Bullet say to Mr. Bullet?
We're going to have a beebee.
How did Dracula come to America?
He sailed in a blood vessel.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
How can you tell a boy tuna from a girl tuna?
Watch to see which "can" they use.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
***
Why did the man with only one hand cross the road?
To get to the secondhand store.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
Because they all have telephones.
Why were ink spots crying?
Because their father was in the pen.
My computer has a virus called the PBS virus.
Every hour it freezes up and asks for money.
Hear about the robbery at the public broadcasting station?
The thieves got away with $50,000 in pledges.
Lady, this vacuum cleaner will cut your work in half.
Good. I'll take two of them.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
What kind of bees give milk?
Boobies.
I saw Ronald McDonald naked.
He has sesame seed buns.
***
There were two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
Two caterpillars are sitting on a branch when a butterfly flies by.
One caterpillar says to the other, "You'll never get me up in one of those."
Why did the atom cross the road.
It was time to split.
Why is a moon rock tastier than an earth rock?
Because its a little meteor.
If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of the three?
The baby, because he's a little Bigger.
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
No, how'd you know?
Easy, it's all over town.
A snail got mugged and robbed by two turtles. He went to the police.
The desk sergeant asked him, "Did you get a good look at the turtles that did this?"
The snail replied, "No, it all happened so fast."
Labels: Humor, Jokes, Third-Grader Jokes
